EXPIRY DATE

“Jammure! O jammure khel dhikhayega?.”
“Nahi ustaad!”.
“Jammure khel kyun nahi dhikhayega?” ustaad apna dug duggi bajaate hue…. “Tabiyat theek nahi hai ,pet mein gadbar maloom padta hai ustaad!”. “Toh tune dawaai kyun nahi liya, aab main logon ko kya bataonga?” logo ke bheed ke beecho beech inki nautanki chal rahi thi.. “Ustaad dawaai toh liya hai par dawaai lene ke baad pata chala dawaai ….payeria ho gaya hai…” “Kya ho gaya hai …payeriya…?” “Ustaad angrezi shabd hai … ustaad aaj tum khuch khel dhikaho …” “hmmmm! Jammure theek hai… toh bhaiya log, bahan log aur bachaalog, aaj khel nahi kahani sunata hun…… suno …. Kahani hai Madan ki…. Mohan ki…RD ki…. Burman ki….” “Ustaad yeh toh….” “ mera matlab yeh kahani hai sabki,…. teri, meri, iss bhaisaahab ki uss mem sahaabki…pyaar ki kahani…” “wah ustaad! tussi chhaa gaye!” “ kahani hai Ramakaant ki….” “Arre ustaad yeh Ramakaant ,Suryakant ki kahani mat bolo…. har time tumhaare paas yehi naam hote hain? kuch naya bolo…. public naya kuch sunna chahti hai ….jaise ki…” “Jaise ki Bhaskar,…….. Joy,…….. Chinmoy….?” Ustaad ne bola “Nahi ustaad yeh naam se toh haraami panti ki boo aati hai…” “pyaar bhi toh haraami… khair woh chor… chalo naam hai bande ka … Amit.

Toh bhai Amit Dilli ke ek paush ilaake mein rahta tha…..kahan rahta tha yeh nahi bataunga warna bechara kahin mooh dhikhane ke layak nahi rahega…Amit ko pehle cricket se, sangeet se, chitrakaari se phir ladki se pyaar hua…college ke dino ki baat hai ek ladki ko dil de bhaitha. Par… main tumse pyaar karta hun ya I love you.... nahi bol pata… kabhi bus stand mein uske saath ghanto uski bus ke liye khada rahata, toh kabhi uske homework mein madad karta. Class ke liye agar ladki late ho jaye toh professor se bahane banana… wagera wagera.

Mister Amit ke doston ne kaha “ abe tu kya chutiyaa hai. Agar tu iss ladki ke liye itna kuch karta hai, toh bol de, apne dil ki baat, kya pata teri zindagi sawar jaye” par apna Amit toh woh teen shabd ke kahne ke pehle apni patloon hi gili karle…. Ek din uske dost ne aakar kaha “yaar teri woh toh kisi senior jo third year mein hai ke saath coffee pi rahi hai… aur toh aur ek baar nahi bahaut baar dhekha hai uske saath…Amit ka toh coffee duur chai ki dukaan mein akela bhaithkar uske yaadon ko lekar hi chai pina hota tha. Par Amit ka dil nahi maana ki woh jisse pyaar karta ho woh kisi aur ke saath coffee piti ho… par doston ke lakh bolne par woh ek shaam pooch bhaitha…

AMIT: hi, acha yeh batao tumhe woh ladka…. acha lagta hai jo…. third year mein hai….?.............. Nahi matlab…. aise hi pooch raha thaa….

Ladki thoda muskurakar ..

LADKI: nahi……

“Amit ke jaan mein jaan aayi…ki tabhi phir se uss ladki ki awaaz kaano mein pahaunchi.”

LADKI: nahi…… acha hi nahi main usse pyaar bhi karti hun aur woh bhi karta hai…

“Dhaat tere ki, JHATKE PE JHATKA DILBAAG GHUTKA” “Ustaad! Yeh Dilbaag ghuthka kahan se aa gaya issme?” “arre!Jammure tu nahi samjegha Dilbaag ghutka walon ne paise diye hain yeh bolne ke liye….….haan ji toh kya kaha raha tha main…. haan Amit ka toh dil tuth gaya yeh sunkar… par jab pyaar hua hai toh light ka button toh hai nahi ki band kar de…..apne dil ke ghanti ko kholke mandir mein latka diya aur phir se college ke baad woh ladki ko ghanto bus stand mein uske bus ke liye uske saath intezaar karta… Arre.... dosti bhi koi cheeze hoti hai ...khuch toh farz banta hai ki nahi Amit ka uss ladki ke taraf..” “ Ustaad ! us ladki kah toh premi tha phir kyun…?” “aree! gadhau…Uski premi toh college chorke chala gaya, padayee jo khatham ho gaya tha. Toh premi toh bahar hi milega is ladki se… college mein thodai….

“phir ustad kya hua? Amit ka…” “kyun tera pet dard thik ho gaya…saale…?” “Nahi Ustaad thoda kum hai…aap batao toh uske baad kya hua…?” “hmmmm! Amit do chaar saal baad ek daftar mein kaam karne laga……

Aur woh din aa hi gaya jab ek aur husn ki mallika ne kadam rakha Amit ke daftar mein… ….puri filmi ishtyle mein entry hoti hai … baarish mein bheeghi hui chatri ko daftar ke darwaaze ke paas rakhti hui, yeh ladki hari rang ki salwaar pehni, aankhon mein kajal, hothon mein laali lagaye hue darwaaze se andar aati hai. Ladki ne bola Mister Mukherjee…Mister Mukherjee ne is ladki ko Amit ke paas lejakar usse parichaye karaya…“yeh hai Amit aur yeh hai Mitali Chatterjee. Yeh aapke saath kaam karegi” …."Amit ke shakal mein jannat ki hawai jahaaj udaan bhar rahi thi…uski aankhen phathi ki phathi raha gayi…

Amit ke kaam ko lekar daftar mein kaafi hulchul hona shuru ho gaya. Miss Chaterjee kya aagayi Amit ke kaam se daftar ko munafa hone laga….daftar walon ke liye toh dhanlakshmi aayi hui thi…daftar mein Amit ki wah wahi hoti toh boss Miss Chaterjee ko dhanyawaad dete aur kehte" “ Miss Chatterjee aapne toh Amit ke kaam mein jaan dal diya hai, mano soye hue pahaad mein pata nahi kahan se jwalaamukhi nikaal diya hai..” "..dheere dheere Amit ke dil ke hawai adde par se pyaar ki hawai jahaaj udti par utar nahi paati…Mitali ki hawai adde par….. signal ka problem….. din guzarte gaye inki dosti bhi badti gayi…Miss Chaterjee ke harek adaa pe pagal tha yeh Amit,

Kabhi kabhar Coffee peene bhaith te toh ghanto baat karte…ek baar toh coffee ke dukaan ke maalik ne aakar keh bhi diya haath jodke" “ Sarkaar maaf kijiyega par dukaan band karne ka samay hai” aisi kuch khathee mithi yaadein lekar Amit ne dusri jagah naukri kar liya. … dusre daftar mein aur bhi ladkiyan par nahi hamaare saahab toh Mitali mein hi khoye hue the aur koi kahaan nazar aayegi bhala...Ek baar aise hi Mitali ko phone kiya..."

AMIT: hi, aur office kaisa lag raha hai…

MITALI: kuch naya nahi re… haan bus is shukrawaar ko workshop shuru ho raha hai uske liye jana hai. Daftar koi aane jaane ke liye intezaam bhi nahi kar rahi hai… der raat tak chalega workshop teen din ke liye...

AMIT: arre toh main aa jata hun gaadi lekar.

MITALI: arre choro tum kyun taqleef karte ho… acha par tumhe toh gaadi chalana aata nahi phir kaise…

AMIT: arre uski chinta mat karo gaadi toh mere paas hai , bus chalana nahi aata, woh dosto ko bolunga chalne ke liye drive karke . chinta mat karo….

“Amit ne apne dost ke saath bhi iss maamle mein jhagra kiya ….”

KARAN: Abey gaandu tu kya kar raha hai, tu ab der raat ko utni duur jayega usko lene ke liye …pagal hai kya tu….
woh bhi lagaatar teen deen ke liye...

AMIT: tujhe bhashan dene ke liye phone nahi kiya hai.. chalega toh bol…

“Dono milkar raat ko gaye Miss Mitali Chatterjee ko laane us workshop se aur phir usse ghar bhi chora…. Is type ke chutiye aap ko gali kucho mein nahi milenge…aisa chutiya paanch so saal mein ek baar paida hote hain…...kuch bhi taqleef ya kuch bhi ho hamare sahaab hamesha Miss Chatterjee ke paas hote…

kuch dino baad pata chala ki Miss Chaterjee ki shaadi hai. Usko phir se laga JHATKE PE JHATKA……..haaan….. DILBAAG GHUTKA …bechare ki jaisi duniya hi loot gayi ho…kaash Amit ne keh diya hota mehaz woh teen shabd par usse lagta tha ki itna kuch kar raha hun shayad samaj gayi ho aur woh teen shabd bolne ki zaroorat hi na ho… khair….janaab shaadi ke mandap mein pahaunchte hain jaha Miss Chatterjee ki shaadi hone wali hoti hai…

Bangaali shaadi mein ek riwaaz hota hai, jismein shaadi ke mandap mein ladki chal ke nahi aati hai, usse ek lakdi ke takkhte mein bhitaahkar kuch log utha ke laate hain..bus hona kya tha Amit ne mauka paate hi us takkhte ko pakad liya aur mandap pe le aate samay Mitali ke kaan mein bolna shuru kar diya "

AMIT: mujhe pata hai ab kuch nahi ho sakta par kehte hain jisse pyaar karte hain usse ek baar bol dena chahiye kya pata zindagi sawar jaye….toh main kehna chahata hun ki main …main…..

“tabhi….acha oye! jammure ek bidi toh pila…” “Ustaad kya tum bhi…… acha yeh lo phir…kya hua…” “ phir kya hona tha bakri ki tarah main main karta raha gaya aur tab tak ladki ko mandap mein bhitha diya gaya. Miss Chatterjee ne Amit ke taraf dhekha aur haskar ishara kiya ki chup ho jaao …..miya Amit ab karein toh kya ..chale gaye mandap se bahar…apne dil ko gili rumaal mei samete hue…. ki tabhi ek gaadi aake rukhti hai aur….ek ladki gaadi ke sheeshe kholke bolti hai yeh 20 bata 2…Amit ko shakal jaani pehchani si lagi ..arre yeh toh woh college waali hai…Amit bol padta hai “tum? Yahan” toh ladki boli” “ Arre Amit kaise ho….woh mere dost ki shaadi hai yahan….. Mitali … Amit dang raha jaata hai aur poochta hai ki “woh tumhaari dost hai par tum kaise usse…” Tabhi woh ladki bolti hai ki “hum dono ek hi daftar mein kaam karte the aur wahan se chorke woh tumhaari daftar mein gayi thi… "

“Oh tere ki yeh toh ….phir…. phir kya hua Ustaad…?.” “Ha ha abhi toh kahani baaki hai mere dost…..kyun bhailog, bahanlog aur bachcha log mazaa ar raha hai na…? Toh logo ki bheed jo yeh kahani sun rahi thi jor se bol pade “uske baad kya hua…..”?

Ustaad ne ek aur beedi jalai aur phir bola “jab Amit aur yeh college wali ladki mandap ke saamne baat kar rahe the toh gaadi mein se ek aur saajaan aake ladki se bola ki shayad yehi hai jagah jahan Mitali ki shaadi ho rahi hai…usne phir poocha “aur yeh kaun hai…..?” Tabhi woh ladki ne kaha “yeh Amit hai mere college ka dost……. Jo Mitali ke saath bhi uske daftar mein kaam karta tha…” tabhi woh sajjan aadmi has pade aur bole “achaa yeh hai Amit ……jo ki tum logo ke dard aur taqleefe mitata tha….kuch bhi problem aur bhaisahab wahan….” …aur woh jor jor se has pada aur kaha “bhai Amit kya baat hai tum toh dawai ki goli nikle yaar.... woh kya kehte hain pain killer….. ….waah! aur koi expiry date bhi nahi… kal ussne le liya toh aaj isne……wah wahhh…”

Toh Bhailog ,bahanlog aur bachcha log mera pitara khaali ab bajao taali……oye! Jammure chal ho gaya khatham…… aur dawai theek se le aur….. saale payeria nahi piry maane…expiry… angrezi shabd bolna seekh le theek se…….samjha saale ……

Aur yeh dono taalio ke beech apne paise batorke chale jaate hain…..